


I'm gonna free fall out into nothin'

by Directionless_Foray



Series: fire and the flood [1]
Category: Tennis RPF
Genre: Character Study, M/M, kind of a
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-24
Updated: 2020-01-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 08:54:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22387399
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Directionless_Foray/pseuds/Directionless_Foray
Summary: The first time Nick sees Alex in his box he almost has a heart attack. Though given the way the set is going it probably doesn't make too negligible a difference if he's being honest.He's down one game to four in the second set and Alex's expression is unimpressed.He catches Nick's gaze and arches a brow as if to say, "I came all the way to see this?""To watch you play like this?"But.See, the thing is.It's okay because it's Alex.(Everything is okay when it's Alex.)
Relationships: Alex de Minaur/Nick Kyrgios
Series: fire and the flood [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1612984
Comments: 6
Kudos: 31





	I'm gonna free fall out into nothin'

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta-ed. SO unbeta-ed. this was written over a few hours so please forgive any spelling and grammatical errors and such
> 
> taking a break from f1 fic to bring some self-indulgent tennis fic. these two are so adorable it should be illegal. really. also i love Nick idc what people say. he's my messy, chaotic babey and i've loved his dumb ass for YEARS so shut up about him please
> 
> (the timeline of this is WACKY, let's just imagine the AO scheduling can be bend to fit into and around this because Creative License).
> 
> title from 'Free Fallin'' by Tom Petty (the John Mayer cover if we're being persnickety about it)

Nick lifts Alex up over his shoulder because it just feels right.

Nick lifts Alex up over his shoulder because in that moment it seems like exactly the right thing to do.

Nick lifts Alex up over his shoulder because if ever there was a boy who should be closer to the stars it was Alex.

-

Alex is the prince in every single way. You only need to look so far as the way the media fawns over him, the way he smiles so easily and generously, the way little children flock to him with bright eyes.

(The way he receives them with his own bright eyes.) 

Alex is allowed everything because he's the _prince_ and everyone sees it.

(It's okay. It's okay if it's Alex.)

(It's okay _because_ it's Alex.)

Nick will never be a prince. You only need to look so far as the way the media never misses an opportunity to needle him. To poke at him for entertainment like a caged beast.

Like he poses some threat to the people around him if he is left unridiculed. 

Like he won't bleed just because he's walking around in the armour they've forced him to wear for the past few years.

Nick will never be a prince, on his better days he might be able to pass for a dark knight.

It's so clear.

It's in the way, in Alex’s absence, _the gaping vacuum_, the media tries to transfer the crown onto his head.

Tries so valiantly to backtrack over years of their teasing. Tries to fix it with a few smiles.

Holding that crown over his head like a dangled carrot. 

That ill-fitting crown that never belonged to Nick.

He doesn't want it.

A beast cannot be crowned a prince.

A knight fares better with a blade than a sceptre.

-

The first time Nick sees Alex in his box he almost has a heart attack. Though given the way the set is going it probably doesn't make too negligible a difference if he's being honest. 

He's down one game to four in the second set and Alex's expression is unimpressed.

He catches Nick's gaze and arches a brow as if to say, _I came all the way to see this?_

_To watch you play like this?_

But.

See, the thing is.

It's okay because it's _Alex_.

(Everything is okay when it's Alex.)

Because Alex doesn't mean it like a slight against Nick.

Isn't adding his voice to the constant chorus against every single thing Nick does until he really has no choice but to lash out.

To bite back before his skin is shredded into bloody scraps.

Alex's eyes say, _I came all the way to see this?_ in the same way his mother will tut at him and say, _why do you always do this? Eh, Nick, baby?_

Alex's eyes say, _I came all the way to see this?_ like Nick is better than this.

Like Alex expects better of him.

Like Alex thinks _Nick_ is the hero of the story here.

The _prince_.

Alex's eyes say, _I came all the way to see this?_ in the same way his mother will tut at him and say, _why do you always do this? Eh, Nick, baby?_

Because, like Nick's exasperated mother, he _believes_ in Nick.

And it's right there in the middle of Melbourne Arena, that Nick has the second of two proverbial heart attacks over Alex de Minaur.

-

Nick claws back an inelegant victory and afterwards, he's unsurprised to find Alex folded into a hidden corner in the tunnel.

"Well that was a mess," he grins brightly and Nick really has to agree with Alex's assessment.

"Fuck off," Nick says without any heat, he's still thrumming with the jittery energy from the win though he can feel the persistent fingers of lulling sluggishness beckoning. "I wasn't expecting to see you in my box, fucking scared the shit out of me," he laughs a little.

Remorse instantly flashes across Alex's features and-

He just looks so _young._

So earnest.

He looks like every single second of his measly twenty years on this planet.

"Fuck, I'm so sorry," he winces and Nick wants to take back his friendly ribbing, "I thought it would be like," he waves his hand vaguely as he cringes, "a funny surprise but it probably threw you off."

He sets those eyes on Nick and really-

It's pretty unfair.

Don't get him wrong, if the past few years has taught Nick anything it's probably that _everything _is kind of unfair.

But this especially.

The way Alex is looking at him right now is _especially _unfair.

"Shit, man, I'm so sorry," he apologises, "I was so keen to see you and I wasn't thinking."

And really, by Alex's own admission, _he wasn't thinking_, but he's _Alex_-

(It's okay because it's _Alex_.)

And Nick's tired, jittery mind can't quite get over the first part of that.

The part where-

_I was so keen to see you._

And Nick is _so tired,_ okay. He's just come frightfully close to a humiliating defeat and only just snatched back victory by the skin of his teeth and his sheer _brilliance_.

So his total lack of brain to mouth filter can be _excused_ just this once.

The inability to keep himself from saying, "you wanted to see me?" incredulously.

Alex blinks, "um, yeah," he says like it's obvious, like anyone would want to see Nick.

He stuffs his hands into the pockets of his ugly faded skinny jeans (_because, holy shit, he's _twenty _and he has _no taste whatsoever) and _fuck,_ Nick really should take him shopping some time.

Nick's style may be a particularly chaotic brand of tragic but honestly, anything is better than Alex's repertoire of exclusively _preppy white-boy_ or _borderline hype-beast_ fare.

Either way, Alex stuffs his hands in the pockets of those ridiculous skinny jeans and smiles up at Nick and says, "I went from seeing you every day to _nothing_; I missed you man."

And Nick really doesn't know what to say to that.

"I missed you too," he says lamely.

Alex nudges him and he's still grinning, "I'd fucking hope so, _King Kyrgios_," he says.

And his tone is _all_ teasing but it's still-

It sounds _nice_ coming from Alex.

"Yeah, _demon_?" he smirks lazily.

He doesn't miss the way Alex's eyes dart to his mouth.

Alex opens his mouth.

Then he closes it.

Nick waits for he doesn't know what. 

"Want to get some food?" Alex eventually asks.

Nick watches him before shrugging.

"Sure," he says easily.

Alex nods and Nick probably should push about what it was that Alex wanted to say before.

What he couldn't quite get out before clamming up.

But Nick is tired and if Alex doesn't want to bring it up then Nick won't push him.

The atmosphere is a little awkward and tense.

For a few moments, Alex won't look at Nick.

_It's okay,_ Nick's tired brain tells him,_ it's okay because it's Alex._

"Did you want to get pizza or noodles?" Nick asks.

Alex looks up. Finally looks at him again.

He smiles softly, "pizza?"

Nick snorts, "was that a question or an answer?" he asks as he readjusts the strap of his bag across his shoulder.

Alex rolls his eyes and if Nick wants to smile at how if he just squints it's almost just like the ATP Cup all over again.

"It was an answer," Alex deadpans.

"Sounds good, kiddo," Nick smiles as he ruffles Alex's hair.

One more of those inscrutable looks from Alex.

But Nick is too tired to analyse that one.

(It's okay because it's _Alex_.)

-

They're waiting in the cool darkness of the underground parking of the hotel the next day. Alex suddenly turns to him.

Nick watches as Alex opens his mouth and then closes it.

Nick frowns.

Alex's hand comes out, reaching for Nick in an aborted motion before halting.

Retreating.

Stretching tentatively out again before-

Halting again.

"You alright there?" Nick asks drily.

Alex opens his mouth, closes it again and then huffs out a frustrated little laugh.

The chain around his neck glints in the light as he shakes his head exasperatedly.

He does the thing again.

The thing.

The one where he sticks his hands in his pockets-

_Fucking _boardshorts_ this time because-_

_Yeah._

_Alex is _twenty _and has absolutely no taste whatsoever. _

-So he does that thing again.

Where he sticks his hands in his pockets and looks up at Nick and well, Nick-

Nick has a feeling this is going to be a _mess_.

Alex opens his mouth.

Nick braces himself.

"I just- I, Nick, I just-"

_Honk honk_

Nick's head whips around to find the source of the sound. His gaze lands on the glossy black car pulling up beside them.

When he turns back Alex appears to be laughing softly to himself.

But when Nick slides in one side of the car and Alex the other and he leans over to ask, "what uh- what did you want to uh..."

He trails off awkwardly and Alex just stares at him for a few seconds.

Worrying his bottom lip between his teeth.

"Don't worry about it, man," he says under his breath.

Nick drops it after that. Is grateful to do so.

-

Two days later Alex confronts him on one of the practice court.

Nick has one eye on the small cluster of fans behind the gates on the other end of the court. They can't hear them but they can certainly see the two of them.

Can draw their conclusions just fine from where they are.

Can take photos too. 

Alex does not seem to be aware of their presence at all.

Instead, Alex stalks right over to where Nick is stretching.

Alex with his mighty lion's heart.

Who only knows how to live with his heart on his sleeve.

Who can’t fathom living with his heart _inside_ his body like the rest of the world does.

_“Look,_ I like you,” he says matter of fact.

And, yeah.

Nick kind of saw this coming.

Like a train chugging merrily along towards the station.

Like a vague, hazy shape on the horizon that you have to squint to make out.

_So yeah._

Nick kind of saw this coming.

So he already has a response prepared.

“No you don’t,” Nick says evenly.

Alex crosses his arms and seems to _plant his goddamn feet_.

He's so _young._

Nick is torn.

Torn because he doesn't think many people have ever said _no_ to Alex de Minaur.

But also.

By the same token, they're fucking _tennis players_.

Plenty of people have said _no_ to them.

Their own bodies say _no _to them a handful of times every single day.

One day one of Nick's knees-

_Or maybe a hip, _

_Or even, if his body and the universe is feeling vindictive enough, one of his goddamn _wrists

-Is going to say, _I'm out,_ and that'll be it.

But Alex stands his ground like Nick's perfectly calm response, _like _**_no_**, is unacceptable.

Is impossible.

And Alex is ready to fight him over it. 

“Just because you don’t think other people like you doesn't mean I can’t,” he fires back.

Stubborn and fearless and so_ unafraid of falling. _

_He's _twenty_ after all. _

He hasn't fallen yet, not really.

Not in the deliriously numerous ways Nick has experimented so intimately with.

Nick may not be _afraid_ of falling but that's just because he's just fallen so many times that his body is numb to the pain.

Skin mottled black and blue underneath his designer t-shirts and expensive jeans. 

How the media can portray him as the _uncaring_ one is beyond Nick.

Some days he feels like all he does is _care._

He cares and cares until he's seething and frightened and begging someone to just look at him. To _see_ him.

Nick craves the cheers and also doesn’t give a shit if people cheer or boo.

Maybe he just wants people to look at him.

Maybe he just wants to be _seen._

Only now Alex is watching him and Nick takes it all back.

He doesn't want to be seen if it's like this. Like Alex's sharp eyes piercing him clean through the chest. 

"Alex- mate- you can't- like-" he's nervous now.

Alex is giving him that look again like he's sat in Nick's player's box and Nick isn't meeting Alex's expectations.

The unimpressed look.

Like Nick is down one game to four in the second set.

Like Nick isn't even trying. 

Like Nick is shooting himself in the foot again.

"I like you, you fucking idiot," Alex hisses. "Stop freaking out," he runs a hand through his hair and Nick realises Alex's hands are shaking a little. "It's not like- _fuck,_ I'm not like _expecting anything_\- so don't like, like worry about hurting my feelings or anything it's just-"

He frowns.

Nick is watching him. Panic mostly abated, at least for now.

"-It's just like- like we're _friends_," Alex smiles wrily, "so I thought I should be honest with you."

And Nick is floored.

Because Alex is _twenty_ and he's braver than anyone Nick has ever met.

Stupid and foolish as shit too.

Definitely way too earnest and honest and _good_ as well

Too _good_ for his own good.

_Jesus Christ._

Nick wants to laugh but he can't bring himself to.

Not when Alex has risked it all, laid it all bare, and left that heart of his-

That mighty lion's heart

-right there on his sleeve yet again.

Exposed.

For Nick to see. 

Like Nick is down one game to four in the second set except Alex is right there next to him.

Is _planting his feet_ and nodding over his shoulder at Nick-

Because he _trusts_ him.

Because he's giving Nick that unimpressed look it's just like when Nick's mother will tut at him and say, _why do you always do this? Eh, Nick, baby?_

Because Alex, like Nick's exasperated mother, believes in him.

Because Alex cares about him. 

Because Alex _likes _him.

_"Fuck,"_ Nick breathes.

Alex misinterprets it and bites his lip whilst staring down at his feet.

"No, _fuck_ I didn't mean-" and Nick isn't good at this.

At the nuance and _softness_ and all the things he normally brushes over because-

Because a beast has no need for softness in a cage and softness will get a knight killed.

Nick groans in frustration because he's _never done this before_.

But.

It's okay.

(It's okay because it's _Alex_.)

"It's fine, like I said," Alex is still staring stubbornly down at his feet and his words come out harsh and they sound _wrong_, "you don't need to like, try and make me feel better-"

Only Nick kind of does.

Because he really likes Alex and-

And Alex's ears are red and Nick kind of wants to see what it's like to wrap his arms all around Alex without what feels like half of Australia watching it.

"I like you too," he chokes out.

Alex's head snaps up and then a smile spreads over his face, sharp and sweet and Nick is fucking ruined.

Alex is the_ prince _and Nick is so out of his depth.

Alex's smile is so bright the vicious Australian sun beating down on them pales in comparison.

Alex smiles and Nick really hopes the fans clamouring behind the fence can't hear them.

-

Nick up three games to one in the first set and he looks up to his box.

Nick up three games to one in the first set and when he looks up to his box Alex's expression is somehow equally unimpressed and smug at the same time.

Nick watches as the corner of Alex's lip twitches and he arches a brow as if to say, _that's all you got?_

Nick grins like a beast freed, like a knight heading out to battle, like his very own type of _prince._

Alex smiles properly.

Alex's eyes say_, that's all you got?_ in the same way his mother will tut at him and say, _why do you always do this? Eh, Nick, baby?_

Because, like Nick's exasperated mother, he _believes_ in Nick.

Because he _loves_ Nick. 

Nick runs his tongue over his bottom lip and bares his teeth just a little. Alex snorts.

(It's okay because it's _Alex_.)

**Author's Note:**

> i don't even really know what this was but i had an idea and then i wrote and then this happened. this was so self-indulgent but man oh man did i have fun. i love my tennis angel babey and my tennis chaos babey
> 
> i am storm-in-my-teacup on tumblr


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